I've done it. I've built the site, I've bought the domain name, I'm ready. I've been procrastinating for easily two years in regards to building this blog; I was terrified it was just another ADHD-fed notion that would find itself subjected to the dark hinterlands of yet another stack of stuff in my ever-expanding empire of THINGS I DO NOT NEED AND CAN'T RECALL WHY I HAVE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE.
But when I wrote this post last week, it was (in part) because of the ADHD overwhelm. Thing is, I don't have the option to quit. I'm a mom. I'm a wife. I am loved, and I would create a trail of heartbreak and horror (as embarrassing as it is to speak those words aloud) if I split from the living/breathing portion of the program simply because I can't face tomorrow's stacks of paper and junk and things and feeling so, so overwhelmed on a daily basis.
Jenny and Gwen, and all of the other (brilliant, wonderful, insanely kick-ass) people who commented on that post? It's you. It's because of you that I've finally done it. Your friendship, your care and concern, your taking the time to put the words together and demonstrate your understanding, that you would offer support and hands and arms connected, linked, reaching out, it's why I'm doing this. I want to show my thanks in a meaningful way. It's because of you that I finally found the nerve (or courage, or chutzpah, or whatever you want to call it -- hell. Faith?) to create a place where I can really work through the emotional stacks and chaos and maybe, just maybe, help someone else in the process.
And here's where I link to each of you for having individually given me a piece of the puzzle that got me to JUST QUIT EFFING AROUND, ALREADY:
(In order of your comments as they came in, because I have to do it in democratic fashion, so that my CRAZY-ANNOYING adhd bossy-headed part will feel satisfied, bastard)
Amie MayberryJanet
Alura
Elisabeth
Elizabeth in Chicago
Angie
Mary
Keith, again (Whose comments were dunked in a bucket of awesome)
Firehorse
@stellar225 (Who makes me long to speak with her and give her big hugs, and WHY DON'T YOU HAVE A BLOG, GURL?, because I want to give you link-love and make everyone come and give you hugs and pet your hair and tell you you're pretty)
(And now I realize, after blathering on and on about how @stellar225 doesn't have a blog where I could love all over her, I did something COMPLETELY UNHEARD-OF: I clicked on her name, and figured out something EVEN MORE INSANE: she has a blog. It's called "Caoilinn." Please take technology away from me. I deserve to live in a room with zero technological instruments or really even just anything remotely sharp)
Christine
KT
Lorena
juliejulieOrange (whose links to Blooming Yaya and the Boston Globe were awesome (because, Blooming Yaya!), insightful and smart, and made me think even more about all of the stuff that subsequently led to creating a new blog. So, um, THANKS, is what I'm trying to say. Because that's what I need: MOAR. BLOGS. Hi! ADHD WIN! But seriously, read the Boston Globe link, a piece called "Stay." I actually felt ashamed for having even considered considering suicide after I read it. Which is good. Crucial. Guiltifying.)
andi
Alura (again, and with a very mild variation on her first comment, which I have to say I'm a little mystified by, because it's sort of not the MOST supportive comment ever received on a post on the subject of suicide,and I'm still scratching my head over it, but whatever. Leaving it in because I may be totally misinterpreting, and what Alura may actually be saying is that she's ridiculously happy for me for being so fortunate, to the point of foregoing her own happiness, which is probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, now that I think about it.)
Suzanne de Cornelia (Whose comment made me cry, and I can't thank her enough for being brutal in her honest explanation of why she strongly believes suicide is bullshit, as she is very, very right, and I would like very much to hug her hard and long, even while knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do, with the sole exception of being sure to try every.single.day to learn from her story.)
Thank you. All of you. For being there, with hands extended. Selfless. You rule.
oh wow, oh wow, oh wow. ONE MORE TIME. oh wow.
thank you.
[clearly I was also suffering from techtardation - I have no idea how I missed the ability to sign in w/ my WP account before.]
- stellar225
Posted by: Caoilinn.wordpress.com | 03/21/2010 at 08:56 PM