no.

I just finished reading this post over at Julia's joint (and btw, Julia, I am humbled by your kind words about my former post), and you know what?  I'm just gonna put my money where my mouth is.  I've so had it with the giant creation of the need for cosmetic enhancement.  Created by conglomerate corporations with board members who pant after their ever-increasing stock options, who insist that the bottom line grow!  grow!  grow! as their insatiable thirst grows right along with it.  Who are convinced that it's acceptable to diminish human beings in their own minds, using ruthless marketing and advertising campaigns to charge against the defenseless spirits of the common people in the field of battle, the field that is littered with the land mines of airbrushed, glossy ads featuring anorexic, cigarette-and-champagne diet monsters,  monsters that the people being advanced upon simply cannot mirror, because they are not actual beings; charged upon with all the force of a tsunami, unprepared as they attempt to go about leading an ordinary, happy life, bowled over by their inability to meet the monsters in their indomitable, albeit imaginary, force.  Force that is given depth and breadth because the people believe it, and so it exists.

I won't let them bowl me over.  I like me.  I'm not a supermodel, but by definition, not even the women who represent that status can uphold the image without the vaseline lense positioned between the viewer and themselves.  I'm pretty.  I have pores that are getting bigger, and I have hair that is at times unruly, and at times curly and full of life.  I have stupid, too-thin eyebrows from the period in my twenties when I thought they were ugly and I tweezed them to ribbons.  My ass isn't much altered from pregnancy, but it was never "perfect," whatever that means.  It's a little saggy, and it doesn't sit really high -- it never has.  My legs, they are, to me, too muscular.  Too much like a soccer player's - a male soccer player's, that is.  My calves -- oh, how I've lamented them.  And yet, they take me where I need to go.  They are dependable.  And I can chase my son when I need; my calves are a swift and sturdy aid.  My stomach - once my favorite feature - really, my upper torso was quite nice.  Now, my shoulders cave from balancing my own shape to allow my son's body to cling and not allow gravity to interfere.  My breasts are like tube socks with points at their tips.  My spine slopes in a gentle curve from below my neck to just below my waist.  My stomach -- my belly button looks like it has descended into a permanent state of depression.  My washboard stomach.  Is.  No.  More.  I look gangly and awkward when I attempt to stand comfortably, and when I stretch my head up and raise my shoulders, I feel broken.  It's uncomfortable to stand that way; the way I was accustomed to, in my past life.  My unbaby life.

I don't care.  I see the lines growing on my face.  I watch the shiny, white hairs, soft from their lack of keratin, proceed into the river of brown on my scalp.  I watch as the river grows slightly grayer, as the weeks slip past.  I see the pimples that rise and fall, still, on my chin and nose, my forehead and neck.  I watch the veins on the backs of my hands begin to protrude ever more prominently, the skin on my legs become less satin and more paper-like. 

I am pretty.

I am not perfect.

I am not a magazine ad. 

I am a woman.  I am a mother.  I am a full, complex, multi-faceted person. 

I deserve to believe that I am worthy of what I have worked to better about myself; not on the exterior, because that is a facade that will crumble no matter what improvements I make; but on the interior, where I grow ever stronger and brighter and wiser and more humble and more able to love.

I want to be remembered for who I gave love to, who I gave friendship to, and who felt strength because of that love and friendship; not for how stylish or hottt I was.

I am pretty.

Comments

[Feral Mom]

You are smokey hot AND you write like an angel.

[Jess]

Oh, awesome. Just awesome.

[Marcie]

Amen Sister.

[julia]

Great post.

The thing with me is that I've always felt badly about myself. Always. It's not recent, it wasn't spawned by fashion magazines (although they sure don't help), it's just the way I feel about me. I lack the confidence you have to stand up and be proud of who I am.

But I keep plugging away at it. Hopefully I'll get to the point you're at one of these days. Women like you inspire me.

[Attila the Mom]

This is so inspirational, and hits very close to home. :-)

I hate the message that is sent to our young women--you have to be ultra-thin and ultra-perfect or you shouldn't feel good about yourself and you'll never find a man. gak.

I'm heartened when I meet the girls my son chooses to bring home. Nice, healthy, confident girls and not a stick-figure among them. Makes a mom feel proud. LOL

[Rock the Cradle]

Not just pretty. Beautiful. And fierce.

Thanks for a wonderful post.

[Andrea]

Here's a little hint: those supermodels don't feel like they are perfect either. They still hate their flaws, and yes, they have them.

Bravo, Debbie! This was a fantastic post! It reminded me that I am NOT my body alone.

[Suebob]

This is a beautiful post, a burro genius post ( I will explain that some other time, but it is a good thing).

We need to keep working on this. People's honest blogs are a good start. Shape of a Mother is a good start.

Seeing each other through the eyes of compassion is so beautiful and such a blessing.

We can see ourselves, see our sisters, and say "Yes, I can see your scars, I can see your wrinkles - and I can see that you have been hurt and struggled and lived a lot and still keep getting up in the morning and doing your best every day and that you have a lot to offer the world because of the unique person that you are."

[aunt penni]

What a powerful piece! And you are still a hottie...this I know.

[mothergoosemouse]

I worked for so long to like myself and how I looked that I'm not going to let little things like childbirth and aging and media sensationalism undo all that work.

Thanks for the good reminder. And you ARE pretty - not just pretty, but beautiful.

[bubandpie]

You ARE pretty. I had one of those moments this morning where I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and thought, "Who is that lady?" Not an aging thing, just that moment where that image looked like a stranger. A strangely pretty stranger. Now if I could just apply that to this belly o' mine.

[Missi]

That was a wonderful post! You are pretty and society should not say anything different. It is a crime that they have put this "perfect" image into our heads. Bravo to you!!

[MelanieinOrygun]

Have I mentioned how utterly fucking rock-on AWESOME I think you are?
Holy shit, woman. That was fantastic. And choked me up, made the eyes well with tears, and so on.
After I went to Shape of a Mother, I actually made myself look at my body in the bathroom before a shower... and you know? It's true, I won't be winning any pageants anytime soon, but I am beautiful. Beautiful for what I made with this body of mine, and the comfort it has given to others.
Thanks for putting it into words far better than I ever could.

[Kristin]

Beautiful post... thank you for sharing.

[mamatulip]

Yes. You are pretty. I am pretty. We're all pretty.

This post...this is the best post.

Evah.

[motherbumper]

Wow. Once again, an excellent post. I can tell you are pretty and reading this made me feel pretty too. Thank you.

You sometimes blow me outta the water. Thanks again.

[Mommy off the Record]

I think I saw your picture on your blog once, yes I clearly remember it, and you ARE very pretty. But when you are remembered for "who you loved and who you gave friendship to and who felt the strength of that love and friendship" they will surely say:

"She was beautiful."

[Ruth Dynamite]

Beautiful and the ultimate sign of enlightened maturity: acceptance and self-love. (In my book, at least)

You speaka the truth. Thank you, Queen Debbie.

[jozet]

*standing up and applauding*

You, my sister, are more than pretty.

You are beautiful.

Inside and out.

And you have mighty, mighty chops when it comes to the keyboard.

[Emily]

FANTASTIC, DEB!
I am such a strong advocate of this kind of woman-identity. And certainly, you are a beautiful woman (meaning to tell you that, btw, saw pics in archives). But though I recognized the surface beauty--the chrystal blue eyes, dramatic features and porcelain skin, what struck me was the YOU behind this...I could see the 'real you' - a Devine Debbie Being. THAT beauty is what *really* came across - your inner beauty. (Also, when I saw how gorgeous you are I laughed and said to myself, "woman, you could look like a cro-mag or a Scoobie Doo monster and I'd love you the same!"
Again, wonderful post. Can I steal and link? You inspire me!

[Her Bad Mother]

Beautiful words, beautiful writer. Beauty, beauty, beauty. Fuck pretty. This is, you are, beautiful.

[Girl con Queso]

You go with your bad self, pretty girl.

[something blue]

I wouldn't know where to start to pick apart myself. I think my favourite piece of me is currently my hands and even they are looking old. Yet I too am content with the overall package. It must help with the fact we hold values that don't rely on what we look like.

Yet another brilliant post by a truly pretty girl both inside and out!

[Jenny]

How did I miss this post?

You already know where I stand on this. You are devastatingly beautiful (not just saying that...you really are) and it shocked me to find out that beauty starts from within you. I'm waiting to find out that you're actually a serial killer because there has to be a fatal flaw there somewhere.

You're amazing.

[Nancy]

*You* may not be perfect in body (and I would have to argue that with you), but your writing completely is. The testament to your body parts and their significance -- LOVE it.

This post = incredible. This is how I feel -- I stress over my looks like anyone else, but I'm going to let nature take its course as I continue to age. No radical surgeries, no plans to wear theatrical makeup and wigs, no need to wear body-numbing head to toe concealing garments. I am not perfect, and never will be.

hugs to you.

[Mommy off the Record]

Not one, but TWO perfect posts for this! Congrats, lildb. So deserved!!

[Shelly Franz]

When my Chris gets home tonight and reads this, he's going to say "I TOLD YOU SO"...he's been trying to tell me this for...well, ever.
Thanks!

[Chris]

This is brilliant. Thank you. And thanks to Mama T for linking to this.

[Heather]

Here from Mamatulip, and envious of your (deserved, of course), self-acceptance.

[Izzy]

So glad you got the PP for this. You deserve it. And though my words were nowhere as beautiful or powerful as yours, I have posted about the sickness that ravages our society, the one that tells us it's not okay to be who we are and I am so with you on this. And though I've not actually seen you, I know you are perfect just as you are.

Wish you'd gone to Blogher :)

{hugs}

[shpprgrl]

You go girl! Great great great post!