p.s.

If I'm being sincere about quitting, which I may very well be but who could know when I so constantly say one thing and do another (often opposite) thing, I may as well add that I feel completely irrelevant.  In my life, because I have so few friends anymore IRL, and when I spend time with any of them, my input is minimal and almost (?) undesired, seemingly, even if I'm only participating in a conversation on the phone.  In my life, in my relationship, because so much time is spent going around in circles about how horribly fucked-up I am, and how much it weighs on our interaction, because I can't do anything right.  Or well.  Or even okay.  In my parenting, because our child so regularly asks for his father to oversee things, and because I duck out whenever I can, maybe because I am afraid he'll want me to leave, or maybe because I know I can't do it without losing my patience, which then seems to produce the inevitable result of his not wanting me.  In my career, which is a non-existent thing.  In my hobby, which is writing, because I invariably cannot remain focused on any particular subject long enough to do something with it, even so far as my own satisfaction is concerned, never mind the (dis)satisfaction of others. 

Irrelevance sucks.  It's like not existing at all.  It's like I'm wasting resources when I use water or eat food.

Comments

[slouching mom]

hugs and kisses to you, friend.

[Mac and Cheese]

Not irrelevant over here either.

[PunditMom]

You are not irrelevant. We are not irrelevant. It certainly feels that way sometimes, but I know that even thought PunditGirl sometimes treats me that way, when I'm away from home for a day or two -- or even an evening out with a girlfriend, rare as that is -- I'm the one she asks for and misses. She won't tell me to my face, but will indicate to others how relevant I am to her. I try to talk comfort in that, even though in my presences she wants me to think she doesn't care.

Feel better.

[Attila the Mom]

Hope you're feeling better! I would blame the holidays, or the weather, but some days you just absolutely "have" to feel like sh*t.

Hang in there!

[wordgirl]

Don't quit. I suck at being a regular commentor, but please don't quit. I wish I lived closer...werever it is that you live.

[the new girl]

Aww, kid.

Come on over here.

I'm going to give you a noogie.

And then a big, giant squeezeroo.

xo.

[Kristin]

You're one of most relevant women I've ever met -- you vibrate relevance. And good hair and kind eyes. Go if you must but I can tell you that silence is almost worse than irrelevance. :-)

[LawyerMama]

YOU are NOT irrelevant. I think you're very relevant, for what it's worth.

[Maddy]

Newbie - I just followed one of your comments on another blog.

It's been a couple of days now, so I hope that you're feeling much more relevant [and I really like that quote above from the little book of Zen]
Best wishes and Happy Thanksgiving

[Ruth Dynamite]

Illeverant? Ivrelleant? Irreverent?

Perhaps.

Irrelevant? NEVER.

Feast, my friend. Feast on life and the craziness of it all.

[slackermommy]

You certainly not irrelevant to me. Please don't leave. I would miss you terribly and may have to resort to stalking.

[Emily R]

I wish so much that you did not feel this way. You are working so hard to fix things in your life, but hard work is messy. And difficult. And often painful.

The only way it will work is if you trust yourself to succeed.

[Jana]

You are more than okay in my books. ((hugs)) Hope you find your worthy place soon.

[kate]

you're not even irrelevant in my life. let alone yours. keep going. i hope.

[Jozet at Halushki]

From The Little book of Zen

"You are eight years old. It is Sunday evening. You have been granted an extra hour before bed.

The family is playing Monopoly. You have been told that you are big enough to join them.

You lose. You are losing continuously. Your stomach cramps with fear. Nearly all your possessions are gone. The money pile in front of you is almost gone. Your brothers are snatching all the houses from your streets. The last street is being sold. You have to give in. You have lost.

And suddenly you know that it is only a game. You jump up with joy and you knock the big lamp over. It falls on the floor and drags the teapot with it. The others are angry with you, but you laugh when you go upstairs.

You know you are nothing and know you have nothing. And you know that not-to-be and not-to-have give an immeasurable freedom."

Janwilliam Van De Wetering

We all of us, at the most, have 100 years here. It's nothing. Anything we do is just passing the time, really. Be kind to people. Be kind to yourself...

Being irrelevant...I say to embrace it, and revel in it. I love the things you write about when you think no once cares or that it means nothing. You do so much, you have no idea...no idea.

Move next door to me. Seriously.

[Mrs. Chicky]

Irrelevant? I think not. But i know it's easy to feel that way sometimes.

[mamatulip]

Irrelevant?

Hardly.

[Mommy off the Record]

You're not irrelevant. Don't leave. Please don't leave.

[Melanie]

I don't consider you irrelevant. I don't consider your input in our conversations irrelevant.
That was just so you'd know. I would never undervalue your words.
You are brilliant and fun to talk to.
And I hope things start feeling better soon, Deb. I really do.

[Kristen]

Feeling irrelevant is terrible. It's something I've had more of as of late.

It's gotta all come from inside. I tell myself every fucking day that I'm worthwhile and my kids need me.

Plus who would write my blogs? :)

[nonlineargirl]

I know this isn't the point, but - what the hell am I, chopped liver? Despite understanding that the post is expressing what you feel, and not what the world is actually telling you (something we all allow to happen and make us miserable) I still feel compelled to mention that (1) T was thrilled to see you and yours on Friday, and (2) we all had a great time and found you to be a great hostess.

I am sorry you are feeling this. It is horrible to feel it.

[Nancy]

You're completely not irrelevant. (Does that make you irr-irrelevant?) What I would give if you can be my neighbor IRL. For now we'll have to settle for this online business.

I'm on the fence about quitting myself, so I can't argue with you there. But I can send my love and smooches and wonderful thoughts.

[jen]

you are not irrelevant to me, sister.

[qt]

If it makes you feel one iota better, the sub-prime thing? Total media hype. They are too dumb to look at the hedge funds. Consumers in peril is a much easier and catchier story to write than "banks, Hedge Funds made bad, risky currency bets"

IF that makes you feel any better about the state of things...