telephone game.

Me:  Jack, have you seen my phone?  

Jack: Yes, Mommmmmy.  *sing-songs the words while pounding on the wall with a play hammer and nails*

Me, trying to sound patient, because I know that I turned the ringer off so as to not disturb us during the naptime that wasn't, which means I am not going to be able to easily locate it simply by calling myself from the other phone:  Did you take my phone and put it somewhere?

Jack: Yeahhh... ? *looks slightly confused, but gets up and walks confidently toward his room, so I assume he's going to fetch it, which, I tell myself, signifies that he must have removed it, and it wasn't just that I misplaced it somewhere, like, in my bum*

Me:  So, you know where it is? *smoke curls trailing from my nostrils, but still clinging to a calm tone*

Jack:  Yeah, mommmmyyyy!!  It's in da office, mommy.  Let's go in der.  Because, it's pwobabwy in der.

Me: Jack, are you sure you know where my phone is?  

Jack: Yes!  It's downstaiws.  It's pwobabwy in my secwet spot.  Somebody pwobabwy put it der.

Me: *audible breathing, fingers clenched on pant legs, following child impatiently toward downstairs playroom*

Jack: Oh, mommy, it's not in hew.  Somebody pwobabwy took it.

Me: Jack, who would've possibly taken it?

Jack: Pwobabwy the monstews.

Me: The monsters?

Jack: No!  No, mommy!  Not the monstews.  The SPIDEWS took it.

Me: Jack, I need you to help me find my phone.  Can you please, Jack, please help me find my phone?  Can you try to remember where you put it?  Where did you hide it?

Jack: But, no, mommy, I cannot, because I do not know where it is.  Because I didn't take it, mommy! 

*child runs off, sing-songing*

Me: Ah, hell.  *hopes no one of mild importance calls, pours flagon of wine, begins drinking*

And then I console myself by thinking, "If I could just have these, it would all be alright."

(Told you this was a mommy blog.)

Comments

[Emily R]

Before I had kids, I really underestimated the value of a straight answer.

[mamatulip]

Such fun, life with small children. And such mystery!

[Jozet at Halushki]

Oh yes, my dear, those shoes will solve any problem!

And phones? Bah. George Washington didn't need no stinking phones. Which is meaningless, I know, but it's what the George Washington re-enactment actor told us this weekend.

[Cristina]

Love it. I swear, J and M must have been separated by birth. And they totally know the same monsters, er, spidews.

[Gwen]

Now I know why you never called me back. J/k. I didn't call you; but the spiders might have.

So which did you get: the shoes or the phone back?

[Ruth Dynamite]

Cuteness at its finest.

[Lotta]

I think my kids love to see my eyes light up when I've found something I lost. So they're all "FOUND IT!" and when I say "REALLY?" They're like, "no".

[slackermommy]

I've had one too many of these scenarios with my littlest lately which explains my increase in alcohol consumption.

[jaelithe]

Can I borrow him?

I'll hide my phones first.

[kate]

effing spidews.

i just ordered them. and now? everything really is alright.