full of piss. and more piss.

You know what bugs the bejesus outta me?  (I'm sure you're on the edge of your seat.)  It's the phrase "these uncertain times."  Like, when people get all twisted up about "these uncertain times," and wring their hands a bunch while sighing and looking morose.  FUCKing HELL.  Show me a CERTAIN time.  Yeah.  I thought as much.

And another thing, while I'm ranting; you know that whole business about how celebrities shouldn't read their own press?  That ought to apply to your own blog comments, as well.  No matter how lovely and wonderful and encouraging it is to get feedback, with the I-must've-just-orgasmed-I-feel-so-glowy vibe that attends a heap of praise in the comments section, you really, REALLY shouldn't read that (awesome) shit.  Because it totally fucking warps your sensibilities about the writing itself.  First, because you get all over-confident and swaggery about it, and after, because you recognize people are, oftentimes, just being nice, and sometimes even just being ass-kissy or using your comments section to pull people to their sites which seems almost cruel but then I've probably done it on occasion.  Probably.  (Uh, probably?  Tell the truth, Debbie.  Okay.  *wrinkles face in disgust*  TOTALLY.  Ugh.)

Anyway, once the whole comment-thing stops mattering so much, which it never does, it always matters, so my full-of-shitness is apparently running the show this evening but I SHALL PERSEVERE, but the comments thing *does* sort of stop affecting you as much as it did in the early days, so as least that's something, it isn't *quite* as painful or soaring or whatever, and you're *kind of* capable of writing a sentence without agonizing over whether certain bloggers will stop by and be amused or impressed or bowled over and subsequently flatter you with their genius responses.  You kind of manage to tune it out, sorta.  On occasion.

But you just shouldn't fucking read it, read them, at all.  The comments, not other blogs.  Although, to be honest, sometimes you shouldn't even read those, either.  You should just steer clear altogether of the blogs you read that convince you to never write, because then you've fucked yourself.  It should be obvious why.  And of course you'll fail miserably at that, you'll read them anyway, because they write like liquid jewelry, the kind you would never tire of, and you love how they think and how they compose and articulate and it thrills you, but DAMN if it isn't dispiriting to recall you'll never write anything approximating what they can, and you just can't manage to coerce yourself to write afterward.  So that's shit.

Because, you love to do it.  To write.  It is, more than anything in this world, what you wish to be doing, at almost every waking moment.  When you're not doing it.  When you're DOING it, you kind of hate it, and hate yourself, and how imperfect your process is.  But when you aren't writing, you kind of loathe everything keeping you from it.  LIke a jealous bastard of a lover who you fucking despise but cannot get enough of, you want to be stabbing them and licking the sweat off their skin all at once.

Anyway.

Yeah.

Comments

[flutter]

I am really pissed off right now and I don't even know why! fuck!

[Attila the Mom]

Ok, I am backing out of here vewy vewy quietly. LOL

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

I hate to tell you this, hon, you've got a sweet ass. People are going to want to kiss it.

*smooches*

[MelanieinOrygun]

I feel very much the same as you do about the other writers out there. I imagine that's why I haven't written much more than five posts since I've been back online. I am paralyzed by the awesome.

[Karen Sugarpants]

what melanie said. not that you'll read this. unless you ignore your own advice. in which case, why should i take your advice.

fuck, i'm so confused.

[JennC]

Painting is like that. Think about it all the time and then when it's time to finish the damn commission I can't do it. Can't. And my one client is all.... tap tap tap with her foot (and damn right).

Fuck.

[Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah]

I find that I write in my head now. I couldn't stop if I wanted to.

(Chicky is right your sweet ass.)

[Kyla]

Comments, man. The addiction we love to hate.

[Kristie (slackermommy)]

You know what's worse? When you quit blogging but promise yourself that you will still visit your favorite peeps regularly except you don't. Instead you skim their blog every now and then in an attempt to keep up with them but never bother to comment so they don't even know that you are still kind of around. Miss you.

[Nancy]

You got it. It's hard to write, it's hard NOT to write. Ugh, the dilemma.

[Black Hockey Jesus]

That jealous bastard line was funny as hell.

[Kelly]

Sometimes reading something spectacular is encouraging and inspiring. It makes me want to write.

Other times, well, not so much.

[amanda]

Dude, don't read this, just glean a general sense of being adored emanating from the light toward the bottom of the monitor.

Peace out, writer.

[Shutter Bitch]

Don't read this.

You're in my fucking head. My drivel compared to theirs (yours)? Ugh.

[Sarah @ BecomingSarah.com]

I (kind of) agree with this. If I get a handful of nice comments, I'm all "that's right, bitches, who's da bomb?" And then my poor husband has to suffer with my inflated ego.

Luckily, I can apparently only write something nice-comment-worthy once in a blue moon.

[jaelithe]

You're not reading this, so you'll never know that I don't bother to read people who are not either fabulous people or fabulous writers or both. And therefore you must be a fabulous person, a fabulous writer, or both. (It's both.)

[mrs.chicken]

What are these "comments" of which you speak? And what is a "blog?"

Glad you're back.

[qt]

Heh~

[Jay Koch]

Wow! You get comments? That is so COOL!

I write and write and write and occasionally someone comments.

Maybe I should concentrate on writing something interesting or good.

[ZuDfunck]

This is what makes Twitter so cool or big shot bloggers

They don't have comments

Which isn't to say your not big time

Ok, I too will back out now!

[Grey]

Eat more Henry Miller!