un-news.

Jack got in bed with us at 3:30 this morning, which is when I became a captive audience to the fireworks of what I can only assume was a miscarriage. The cramps, some of them like a white-hot poker through the abdomen, weren't as alarming as the blood. The blood made me scared. Now, after a few stolen half hours of sleep between sorrowful waking, I'm afraid to speak or move. Maybe if I don't get up it won't be true. Maybe I'll still be pregnant and I won't have to face my period or anyone who thinks I have a baby in my belly. Namely, Jack. Caleb *really* didn't want to tell him. Why don't I ever listen? Sorry for the false alarm, folks. **** Addendum: I'm fine. (It's almost lunch time and we're at Jamison Square Park having a nice morning splashing around in the water. Jack has been funny and sweet with all kinds of people we've encountered. It's heartening.) I only disliked telling him that he's still, for now, an "alone kid." That part blew. Caleb was right that we oughtn't have told him. I'm really fine. Honest. We'll get it right. Anyway, like I said yesterday, it was so early. And who, aside from the most egregious of idiots, shares that they're pregnant like, five days after they find out, with a) their MIL, b) one of their best friends, and c) the internet? Hi. I have prioritizing issues. Thanks for all of your well wishes *and* your sympathy. I appreciate all of it. You're good people. (I'm really fine.) (Mostly.)

Comments

[Black Hockey Jesus]

Fuck. Big sorry to read this this morning.

[nonlineargirl]

Sending my love.

[daisybones]

Oh sweetie. I just read the other post like 20 minutes ago... I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love.

[daisybones]

Oh sweetie. I just read the other post like 20 minutes ago... I'm so sorry. Sending lots of love.

[Andrea]

Goddammit. WTF Universe?

Hug. I'm so sorry to read this. If you need to talk, I'm here. As are all your loyalists.

[Ruth Dynamite]

Oh Deb...hang in there.

[bea]

Ugh, the five days later thing is the worst because you don't think you have the right to grieve (at least, I didn't) when really the quickness of it all just makes the roller-coaster all the more painful.

[Kathi D]

Oh crap. I am so sorry for your loss, and it is a loss, whether 5 days or 5 months.

You still aren't doomed, you totally deserve to be a happy expectant mom, and you will be one day. Because I say so.

[Kathi D]

Oh, and who shares that news after 5 days? Someone who is sweetly thrilled and excited about the prospect of being a mother again.

[Andy]

I am so sorry.

[cynematic]

I'm so so sorry. The disappointment...wish I could give you a hug.

[Nancy]

Oh, my friend. I am so sorry.

Thinking of you and Jack and Caleb. And you.

[Backpacking Dad]

You're fine. Well shit. Fine is fine. I'm glad you're fine.

I just watched Bruce Lee rip out a handful of Chuck Norris' chest hair. And I feel like Chuck. I'm fine though.

[marcie]

Big hug babe. Thinking of you...

[mamatulip]

Aw, fuck, Deb. I'm so sorry.

[Neil]

I'm glad you shared your news with us earlier. I'm sorry to read this news though. Keep strong.

[magpie]

Bummer. I'm sorry.

[kady]

Darling girl. I'm so sorry.

[Cristina]

Sorry, so sorry.

[Chicky Chicky Baby]

Oh honey, I am so very sorry.

xoxo (times infinity)

[apathy lounge]

Fuck!! I'm late to hear the news about the pregnancy and now this! So, so sorry!! I've been there and I know exactly what a miscarriage does to you. If I were there I'd bring chicken soup and homemade bread and sit by the bed quietly until you wanted to talk.