(obsessed about having never) been caught stealing.

(Emailed to me by M.)

The moment I walk into a shop - any shop - I always, always, always assume the frigging alarm is going to go off the moment I walk out. Probably cos it mostly does...

 

Point being that every second I'm in the shop I'm checking myself to make sure I'm not inadvertently stuffing goods in my pockets or down my bra or pantyhose. On top of that I'm usually scoping out the other patrons waiting for a moment when it will be least embarrassing to have said people turn around to see who that lying, cheating mother fucking scouse is that made the alarm go off.

 

I reckon I have a microchip or something lodged at the base of my skull a la Scully in X-Files that makes every alarm in my vicinity go off. And yeah, they're probably coming to take me away right at this very moment.

 

Utterly idiotic thing to obsess about when I've never been done for stealing.

Comments

[Andrea]

I read somewhere that some people emit a slight frequency, just as part of their genetic makeup, and maybe that's what's making the electronics freak out around you. This might be the same thing that makes it impossible for some people to wear a watch or carry a cell phone too close to their person (like in a pocket).

My husband can't wear a watch. He kills them. They just stop working. If I put his watches on, in a few hours, they're working again. Weird.

[Kathi D]

As long as you are going to obsess about something, this is as good a thing as any. It's fairly harmless, and more fun than obsessing about having Cancer of Everything, which I have often done at 3 a.m.

[Kathi D]

My friend Susan is also a watch-killer. I don't think she sets off alarms. But she does enjoy whistling.